The One Thing You’re Not Doing That Will Help Keep You Sane

With so much going on in our busy lives, it can be hard to know which way is up. Here's a quick tip on how to move through the confusion and arrive at your happy place. 

The Juggler

As a mompreneur, you are a master at the art of juggling multiple balls in the air. Each ball is a different size and a different color, and they all require a piece of your attention. Your kids, your spouse, your business, marketing, carpooling, SEO, 3rd grade science projects, sales funnels, laundry, split testing, and “What’s for dinner?” You know the drill. When you’ve got too much going on as we mompreneurs sometimes do, we run the risk of dropping the ball. 

The Mess

Maybe you forgot the paperwork for a meeting. Perhaps you just needed to take a business call in the middle of Tuesday spaghetti night. Or maybe you were late to the school play and missed your daughter’s solo. Whatever the case, something didn’t go as planned.As you look at the mess caused by the ball that went ‘splat’, several thoughts run through your mind at once. 

The “I’m sorry” thought:

“Sweetie, I am SO sorry I had to miss your solo.” 

The defensive thought:

“I’ve made it to all her school plays for the last six years. So I missed one. Does it really have to be the end of the world?” 

The accusation thought:

“Her father is the one who REALLY should have been there. Where was HE?!?”And then the thought that sticks with us long after the others have run their course…. 

The “I blew it” thought:

“I can’t believe I missed her solo. She’s been practicing for weeks. I knew how important this was to her and I wasn’t there. I was too wrapped up in myself to make it the priority it should have been. And for what? I didn’t even get the account I was working on anyway.” 

Who’s to Blame?

Sometimes we wear ourselves so thin that instead of giving enough of ourselves to all the areas of our lives, we end up giving all of ourselves to none of the areas of our lives. Listen, we are all human. We all mess up sometimes. The question is: Do we allow that mistake to rule our lives, or shape it? It’s very tempting to lay blame on ourselves. And if we don’t crack the whip, who will? We’re entrepreneurs, right? We are driven, self-made women. We set our own schedules. We don’t need someone else telling us what must be done. We’re doers, damn-it! And if something doesn’t get done, well then… the buck stops right there. This is not the way it has to be. 

The Fix

Beating ourselves up doesn’t work. In fact, studies show that self criticism leads to apathy, discouragement, and depression. These are not quality ingredients for a self-made gal. It turns out that self criticism may actually be the main thing standing in the way of making progress. Dr. Kristin Neff, author of the book Self Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind , explains that, rather than being weak, offering ourselves self compassion is the key to getting up, dusting ourselves off, and starting again. In a nutshell, self compassion involves treating ourselves the way we would treat a good friend in the same situation. We offer ourselves genuine kindness. We recognize that messing up is part of being human. And we take a second to be aware of our negative thoughts and turn them around. Studies show that self compassion is a source of inner strength and empowerment. We actually learn better when we are kind to ourselves. And, self compassion decreases stress. Everybody wins. And the best part is, we can get better at being kind to ourselves with practice. 

What’s Our REAL Legacy?

We all have our reasons for starting a business or becoming a momprenuer. My guess is that those kiddos at home play into your motivation matrix somewhere. So ask yourself, “What do I want to teach them about making mistakes? What kind of behavior do I want to model for them?” 

Everyone makes mistakes. Even you. Even your kids.

 When she messes up, do you want your daughter to berate herself, or forgive herself? Our children look to US to learn how to behave, how to act like a grown up, and how to treat themselves. What are your actions saying to your children? A significant side benefit of self compassion is that it helps us be better moms to our kids. Both in how we treat them and in the way we show them how to treat themselves. 

Practice

This self compassion stuff may sound a little woo-woo, or it may be just what you’ve been looking for. Either way, give this exercise a try when you are most stressed, most stretched, or when something goes SPLAT. 

1. Imagine yourself as a little girl. Maybe around 9 years old.  What were you like then?  Imagine the clothes you are wearing. Make her separate from you for the time being.
2. Now imagine that she is feeling all the guilt and self-condemnation you’re feeling for dropping the ball.
3. She has all those thoughts running through her head. She says self-deprecating words out loud to herself.
4. Now imagine what you would say to this little girl to comfort her.
5. What would you say to make her feel better? Would you give her a hug? Would you hold her tight? Would you tell her you love her?
6. If you can, love on her like crazy and let her know that she is ok just as she is.
7. Slowly, let the child you and the adult you merge back into one.

 Hold on to that feeling of love and forgiveness for yourself as you move forward with your day. It might sound cheesy, but try it. Don’t shy away from this exercise. Trust it. It really works. How do you practice self compassion? We'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.