10 Tips For Building Self-Esteem in Your Child

As parents, we all want our children to be self-confident. We know that if they believe in themselves and feel good about who they are, they'll be able to face challenges and live their lives with a positive attitude. This sort of strength will serve them for a lifetime. We all know at least one adult who always seems to struggle in life with one challenge after another. Adults with low self-esteem have a harder time finding solutions to problems, and they find challenges to be a source of anxiety and frustration. Thoughts such as “I can’t do that” or “I can’t overcome this” become mantras that grow harder and harder to overcome. Low self-esteem can lead to self-destructive behaviors such as over-eating, using drugs, or remaining in unhealthy relationships. On the other hand, some adults seem to float through life with a series of successes. What others might view as issues become opportunities for them. Fueled by their underlying self-confidence, they choose a positive attitude in response to life’s ups and downs, and this creates an upward spiral.  

As parents, what can we do to give our children an inner belief in themselves that will guide them on their journey?

1. Recognize your child’s small and large successes. Children develop self-esteem gradually as a result of experiencing a series of successes due to effort and persistence. They begin to convert those successes into statements about themselves. Telling your child that she is smart may be a nice thing to say, but pointing out something that she has done that shows she is smart gives her the “proof” that she needs to internalize this belief.
2. Give praise when it is deserved, without overdoing it. Giving empty praise or a ribbon for no effort will not be meaningful. A true sense of self-worth comes from trying, failing, trying again and succeeding.
3. When your child fails, emphasize the effort that your child put in, not the outcome. If your child doesn’t make a sports team, for example, tell him that you’re proud of the effort that he put into it. Learning to apply effort and be persistent are skills that can be applied to all areas of life.
4. When your child misbehaves, respond by saying that she “made a bad choice.”  This gives her the power to make the right choice next time. Avoid making statements such as, “You always misbehave” because they negatively define the core of your child’s identity.
5. Recognize when your child makes negative statements about himself or herself. If your child struggles with math and makes a generalized statement such as, “I can’t do math,” respond by saying, “You do well in school when you work hard. Math is a subject that you may need to spend more time on.”
6. Resist comparing one child to another in the family. Asking, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” will eventually lead to a lowered sense of self-worth. Emphasize what makes your child unique.
7. Show encouragement in many areas of your child’s life. If you only focus on academic performance, your child may begin to believe that he’s only as good as his grades.
8. Maintain a positive home environment. If you and your spouse are constantly arguing your child may not feel that she has control over her environment and begin to feel helpless.
9. Volunteer with your child. When your child helps another person, it contributes to his own sense of self-worth.
10. Be affectionate with your child. Give hugs and frequently say, “I love you.” If your child knows that your love is constant, your child will have the courage to try new things without fear of failure.

    Today's guest post was authored by Maia Haag, founder of I See Me! personalized storybooks. Click here to visit I See Me! and save 15% off on any customized storybooks with coupon code 15read!