Step Up with Grit and Win
Grit is one of those words bandied about when someone’s trying to impress you. You know the kind, they talk about the grit it took to build this business or reach this goal or fire this person. Yes these are forms of grit, but to me grit is something very simple. It’s being willing to compete to win. And more often than not, it means competing against yourself.
You show grit when you compete against yourself for the win.
When you do, you grow and gain confidence, pushing yourself to the next level. It also means pushing through fears, not getting stuck in the middle; getting to the other side of that situation. Because what you’ll find when you do push through that fear, is the learning that will enrich you. It might not be the same day or same month or even same year. But one day, you’ll look back and see how having the grit to confront that fear taught you a rich life lesson. When I was chief operating officer at HGTV, I experienced the fallout of 9/11 in a very personal way. Many of us were heading to NY that morning for a week of industry events. We used to call it “hell week” because it was non-stop, black-tie dinners and day long meetings and trade events. On 9/11/2001 it became hell week for another reason entirely. One of my employees, Ruth, lived in LA and thought it made sense to travel to NY early, so she be fresh and rested for the week. Ruth was six months pregnant at the time, a first-time mom and a high risk pregnancy given her age of 40. I believe that was another reason she went early: so she could avoid the stress on the baby that often accompanies long travel days. I got stuck in the Atlanta airport along with some colleagues that morning, and we eventually found a car to rent and made our way back home to Knoxville, Tennessee, our company’s home base. Meanwhile, Ruth got trapped in NY, with no way home. She called the office when I returned and was pretty terrified, 2,800 miles away from the doctors she trusted. I remember feeling completely helpless. There wasn't one thing I could've done to get her out of there. Everything was grounded. I often felt like I could solve anyone’s problem at work. But there was nothing I could do to get Ruth out of NY. So I listened. And sometimes, it takes grit to just keep quiet, and to listen. Two days later Ruth called. There was loud music in the background, like she was at some party. What the @#$%? She told me she was in a van with 5 other people driving cross country back to LA. She used every iota of grit to keep reaching out to those she knew, and even virtual strangers, and finally found someone lucky enough to find a van to rent. Three months later she had a healthy baby girl, Elsa. I got together with Ruth a few years later and asked her if she’d learned anything about herself during that time. She said, “Oh yeah! I learned that if I could keep my baby safe during a time like that, I’d probably be an ok mom.” This is one important form of grit, competing with your most vulnerable self and winning her over. It’s the resilience to say to her: “Come on. We can do this.” And you amaze and dazzle yourself with your bravery.
Sometimes you need others to help you marshall your inner grit.
Here’s one more story about grit, a tough one for me. I shared a fuller version of this story in my book, New Rules of the Game: Ten Strategies for Women in the Workplace. It’s the first time I ever shared it, and even took grit putting words to it. I was in my 20’s, pretty new out of school, traveling for my company. Long story short, I was raped in a hotel room. I checked out, went home, and never told a soul. Later I got married and knew I had to tell husband, and he was kind, and gentle, and patient. I did have the grit to keep moving forward, pushing myself to accomplish and advance in my career. So, on one level, I competed against self, and won. I was fearless on the outside, and was rewarded with promotions and big titles. But, I was a terrified young girl on the inside. Finally, many years later, I’d had enough of that horrified young girl and sought counseling. I needed another person, someone trained and objective, to help me give some peace to that young, terrified girl. I had the grit to ask for the help, and to walk through a very painful time with her help. Grit takes many forms. In its most elemental form, and perhaps it’s most meaningful, it’s facing down your biggest fears, and being willing to walk through them. Maybe you first do it with your eyes closed, but you walk through them just the same. Later, with your eyes wide open, you see the learning. Then you feel tremendous pride, and gratitude, that you could be so brave.
Are there areas in your life you could use a little grit? What's holding you back?